The Prodigal son. A new telling
This play was writen for sunday school pupils to perform. It is a quirky modern telling of the parable from the point of view of the animals watching television in a barn. The Fatted Calf is nervous as the day of the Younger Son’s party approaches. But as the action unfolds, he begins to relax.
Some of the allusions are peculiar to the UK, (e.g. Jamie Olivet, ‘in jokes’) but substitutes can easily be inserted.
Have fun!
The Parable of the Prodigal Son
Characters
Mother prodigal
Father Prodigal/ Voice of Big Disciple
Elder Prodigal
Younger Prodigal
Fatted Calf
Father Pig
Mother Pig
Younger Pig
Sheep
Narrator
Chris Arrogant
Trusty Trevor
Jamie Olivet
Davidka McSaul
Weather Presenter
Parable of prodigal son.
Scene 1 Characters: Father pig, Fatted Calf, Younger pig(s?), Mother Pig
Opening scene is that of animals in the barn watching television. They flip channels to change scenes. The Fatted Calf is desperately trying to lose weight (Press-ups, weights, running on the spot etc.)
Father pig I say old chap, do you mind awfully not dashing around like this? It’s giving me a feahful headache don’t you know?
Fatted Calf breathlessly Sorry…I just gotta lose some weight…quick.
Does press ups, one…two…three….
Younger pig sniggers Worried about the Prodigal party are you? Wondering what’s on the menu?
F.C. angrily Oh go on, laugh! Just because it’s a kosher household, you think you’re safe. Well look what happened to the herd of swine at the Gaderene Pork Festival! Went for a group swim they did. Only nobody came back!
Mother pig placating Oh stop it you two. To F.C. Don’t you be worrying dear; I don’t think the Prodigals will be having a party for the younger son. At least not this year.
F.C. No party? Are you sure?
Father pig I say, you chaps, would you mind awfully keeping the noise down. It’s time to see what’s going on in the Big Disciple house. Who’s got the remote?
Mother pig It’s slipped down behind the straw bale dear. Let me get it for you.
They all gather round the television to watch the latest happenings in the house.
Scene 1 Characters: Narrator, Mr & Mrs Prodigal, Older and Younger Sons, Big Disciple
Big Disciple music and logo
Narrator 3:30 pm. The inmates are in the recreation room. An argument is in progress.
Mr Prodigal Prodigal Son, come here. This minute!
Enter P. S looking sullen
P.S. Wot?
Mr.P. Don’t you ‘wot’ me! Didn’t I tell you to clear up the lunch plates and pack the dishwasher?
P.S. I done that.
Mr.P. Do you call that cleared? Look, am I imagining things or is that a plate? And these dishes. And that wineskin. Perhaps you think they’ll find their own way into the dishwasher? Eh?
P.S. Wasn’t my turn anyway.
Mrs P. When is it ever your turn? And your bedroom, it’s a terrible mess. Your loincloth is still on the floor, not hung up in the wardrobe; there’s a basket of evil figs down the side of your bed…
Mr P. And what’s that dreadful stuff you play nowadays? I won’t have heavy stone music playing in my house!
P.S. It’s heavy rock Dad. Anyway you wouldn’t understand it. It’s awesome.
Mr. P Grabs him by scruff I don’t care what you call it, I don’t like it and I don’t like your attitude. You look a mess; you don’t wash and you never tidy up after yourself!
P.S. Get your hands off me, or I’ll tell the teachers at school. Anyway, what do we have servants for?
Mr P. in towering rage I keep servants to work for me, not to wipe your nose and clear up after you. And talking of school, your mother found something in your robe pocket after it had come out of the washing machine. Read it to him, mother.
Mrs P. reads ‘he is lazy, rude and frequently absent from lessons. His marks are low which reflect accurately the effort he puts into his work.’ And your headmaster has written at the bottom; ‘obviously Prodigal Son thinks the world owes him a living. Unless he makes an effort to pull himself together I will not be recommending him to stay for the sixth form at St Methuselah’s.’
Mr.P Do you hear that? You won’t be going back? You’ll have to work for a living!
P.S. Whatever.
Enter older son. He is clutching a piece of paper
Older Son Oh, mother, father. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just thought you might like to see my school report for this year. But if you’re busy…
Mr. P fondly Oh no. Please let me see it. Peruses it carefully for minute or two, smiles and nods, making approving sounds. Why don’t you read it out to your mother?
P.S. makes vomit sounds I’m going out
Mr P. Oh no, you can listen to this as well.
O.S. Oh well, if you’re sure. Reads ‘He is a pleasure to teach, and an example to all in his form. He is attentive in lessons, contributes well and demonstrates a receptive mind. His exam scores are among the highest in his year. Well done.’
And Doctor Apollos has written at the bottom reads ‘Another excellent year for St Methuselah’s star pupil. All the staff are proud of you as am I. You are a credit to your parents.’
Mrs P. Oh darling boy, well done. To P.S. There! You see what can be done when you try?
O.S. Oh mother, I see the dishwasher hasn’t been stacked yet. Here, let me do it for you. You and father go and have a sit down, you both look tired. Starts clearing plates.
After I’ve done this, would you like me to cook you both tea?
The animals make gagging sounds. Mother pig tells them to quieten down.
Narrator 9:50 pm. The Younger Son is in the diary room.
Big Disciple You don’t seem too settled in the House.
P.S. Tell me about it! No one likes me here. They pick on me all the time. They’re really harsh. Yesterday they accused me of eating all the loaves and fishes…
B.D. And didn’t you?
P.S. Well only one or two…or was it three? Well, the way they went on you’d think there was nothing left at all. And now Dad’s not letting me have a sixteenth birthday party.
B.D. Why do you think that is?
P.S. Oh, he’s got it in for me as usual. He goes on about when he was my age and he had to leave home and get a job. Well I wouldn’t mind leaving this stress behind and having some real fun with real friends. Trouble is I haven’t got any cash.
B.D. Why don’t you ask your parents for your share in the family inheritance? I have a feeling they might agree. And tonight someone gets evicted from the House.
P.S I hope it’s my brother – creeping little toad! Did you hear him earlier? Imitates older brother Oh mother deah! Please let me help you around the kitchen. He makes me puke!
B.D. Please go to the lounge. It’s time to see who will be evicted from the house.
Narrator 10pm. The inmates are waiting to see who will be evicted. Over to Davidka McSaul who will reveal who has been nominated to leave the Big Disciple House tonight.
Davidka There can be no doubt of the strength of public opinion on this one. Somebody in the Big Disciple House has gone right out of their way to be as irritating and obnoxious as possible from the moment they arrived. You watched our nominee as he managed to avoid ever doing household duties, making his bed, washing or cooking. He has been rude to absolutely everybody including me. He spends long hours in the diary room griping about everybody else. So are the inmates of the Big Disciple house ready to hear who has been nominated to leave tonight?
Produces envelope. Everybody starts counting down from ten.
Ten…nine… and the nominee is…!
The Younger Prodigal Son! Will you leave the house please?
everyone cheering. All the animals go wild (sorry!)
P.S. Dad, can I have some cash?
Mr P. Okay, here’s a grand. Don’t spend it all at once!
P.S. No, Dad. Real money. You know, my share in the inheritance. So I can go and never be a worry to you again?
Dad thinks long and hard, then takes out his cheque book.
P.S. Hey thanks Dad! Okay, life, here I come!
End of scene
The animals make disgusted noises. Then the Fatted Calf rummages around.
Mrs Pig. What are you looking for dear?
F.C. Doughnuts. There’s a whole tin full here somewhere… Finds them, opens the tin and settles down. Ahhhh! Bliss!
Younger pig Can we watch ‘who wants to lose a million now’?
Scene 2
Chris Arrogant Welcome back. And tonight we have only had one contestant so far on ‘who wants to lose a million,’ and that is Younger Prodigal Son. To P.S. Tell us how you’re getting on.
P.S. Well, Chris, I have a few investment portfolios and so far they’ve been losing money rather well. Come to that my Woolworths shares didn’t live up to expectations either.
C.A. What about your MFI investment?
P.S. Well. It sort of folded up. Laughs nervously I guess the screws weren’t tight enough.
C.A. Well, never mind the gloom. Tell us about yourself. What do you like to do in your spare time?
P.S. Well, Chris, I like to take my friends into the city and treat them to a seven-course meal. I tell them, ‘bring your girlfriends as well.’ We drink lots of wine and have a great time. Then we all go on to a party or two. Coughs modestly There’s no doubt about my popularity.
C.A. Well that’s splendid. Are you ready to carry on playing ‘who wants to lose a million’?
P.S. Absolutely Chris.
C.A. Now before the break you were doing really well. You have definitely lost 32,000 shekels so we can guarantee that. You then went on to lose 64,000 shekels and 125,000 shekels without resorting to any of your lifelines. Now you are stuck on the 250,000 shekel question. I’ll read the question out and the four possible answers. Are you ready?
P.S. Ready Chris.
C.A. Our question for 250,000 shekels. Here we go. ‘The best way to invest a considerable sum of money is:
- In a tropical iceberg factory
- Wisely, taking careful advice and spreading the risk as widely as possible.
- Subsidising Bankers’ bonuses
- With Northern Stone Building society.
Take your time. Use your lifelines, that’s what they’re there for.
Pause. P.S. scratches his head.
Tell us what you’re thinking, Prodigal Son.
P.S. Can I ask the audience?
C.A. Fine! Audience, on your keypads please. See if you can help Prodigal Son with this question. Those of you who think its answer A: ‘a tropical iceberg factory, vote now.
Those of you who think answer B: ‘Wisely, taking careful advice and spreading the risk as widely as possible. Vote now.
Those of you who favour of subsidising Bankers’ bonuses press button C now please.
And finally, those of you who think he should invest his money with Northern Stone, press D on your keypads.
Stop voting now.
Interesting. Most of your audience favour option B. But don’t let that influence you. It’s your choice.
P.S. I’d like to phone a friend please Chris.
C.A. No problem. Who would you like to call, your Dad?
P.S. Are you joking? No. I’ll call Trusty Trev, my personal advisor.
Phone is answered. Voice from back of room says
T.T. Can I help you?
C.A. Trev. Hi, it’s Chris Arrogant here, on who wants to lose a million. I’ve got Prodigal Son here, and he wants your help with a question. Perhaps you could help him lose some serious money. To P.S. You have 30 seconds to tell him the question and the four possible answers. Good luck, your time starts now!
P.S. Trev. The question is ‘What is the best way to invest a considerable sum of money:’
A In a tropical iceberg factory
B Wisely, taking careful advice and spreading the risk as widely as possible.
C Subsidising Bankers’ bonuses
D With Northern Stone Building society.
T.T. ums and ahs. I would go for subsdising Bankers. They never seem short of a windfall. That’s my advice…
C.A. Well, has that helped?
P.S. Oh yes. I always trust Trev. I’ll go for option C please Chris.
C.A. Final answer?
P.S. Final answer
C.A. And there we have to leave it for this week. Join us next time to find out whether Prodigal Son has managed to lose every last shekel of his inheritance. Now it’s time for the latest weather round up. Stay tuned and good night.
There is general pandemonium amongst the animals as they clearly wanted to see the outcome. Finally father pig shouts them down.
Father pig Oh come on chaps, quieten down, I want to see the weather forecast.
Scene 3
Weather forecaster Good evening. Those of you looking for an end to the long dry spell are going to be disappointed I’m afraid. Points to map If we start in the south western areas first, we have a strengthening ridge of high pressure building from the east, keeping any rain bands at bay. So we can expect another year to eighteen months of hot dry weather with daytime temperatures in the mid 50’s which is unusual for this time of year.
If we move north, we don’t encounter much change really. Forest fires in Lebanon and more drought and famine in mid to central regions. Hose pipe bans look set to continue for at least until September, so please make sure you don’t waste water.
That’s all for tonight, I’ll be with you on Fast Time tomorrow morning.
Younger pig Can we watch the Big Disciple again Mum? Please!
Mother Pig In a minute, dear. I just want to see Ministry of Victuals. Jamie Olivet has got a recipe I’m interested in. Now where’s my pen and paper? Ah, here they are.
Switches to Jamie Olivet and Ministry of Victuals.
Scene 4
Jamie Olivet is talking to P.S. in a street. P.S. looks very shabby and hungry. Jamie has a table in front of him.
Jamie Olivet No, I tell you it’s true. Any one can cook and with a few spices these can make a nutritious and cheap meal. Are you hungry?
P.S. nods
Well, here’s what you can do. You take a handful of these pig husks and throw them in a frying pan with a bit of olive oil …like so. Stir fry them over a hot flame, or just hold them up to the sunlight and throw in a bit of curry powder, a few cranberries, a leaf or two of chicory and garnish with hyssop and there you have it! A full meal ready to serve in three minutes. Now what do you think of the taste of that?
P.S. dives in and starts cramming the food into his mouth.
J.O. Hey, stop! That’s meant to feed five. I can’t believe it’s that good.
P.S. still cramming I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten anything for days. Please, let me have some more.
J.O. You’re in a bad way aren’t you? Don’t you have a home to go to?
P.S. I’ve been a fool. I see it all now. I had a lovely home, but I was a swine. I thought I was so clever, I kept arguing with my parents and did nothing to help and I was really glad to leave home. Now I’ve lost all my money. I’m not fit to be their son anymore. What can I do?
J.O. Why don’t you go back and tell them what you’ve just told me?
P.S. Do you think they’ll listen?
J.O. You won’t know until you try. P.S. slinks away Here, you might need this… hands him a recipe
P.S. reads Fatted calf in mushroom sauce. Huh! Fat chance! Thanks anyway.
The animals are making a lot of noise. Mother Pig is busy writing the recipe down. But the fatted calf is very subdued.
Mother pig. …garnish with hyssop. Hmmm, I wonder if we’ve got any in the garden?
To Fatted Calf Are you alright dear? You’ve gone very quiet.
F.C. No…I’m fine.
Younger Pig. Can we have Big Disciple back on again Mum?
The animals switch back to Big Disciple.
Scene 5
Narrator: The Older son is in the diary room
B.D. I thought you would be so pleased to see your brother back.
O.S. Are you kidding? He swans back here, having spent all his money and what does Dad do? He throws his arms around him, gets the best Calvin Clein Robes for him AND new Nike trainers not to mention a new Mobile phone. Now they’re getting ready for a welcome home party.
B.D. You sound pretty sore about it.
O.S. well wouldn’t you be? I’ve been a real help to them for years, I’ve always done as I’m told, I work hard at school and what do I get? Nothing! Not even a few friends around. I tell you Mum and Dad are seriously stupid.
The wall of the diary room falls over and there stands Mr Prodigal. They stare at each other for a few moments. The older son looks ashamed.
Mr. P Son, you are ever with me, and all that I have is yours.
It was right that we should have a party, and be glad: for this your brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
Epitaph-Final scene
The television is turned off. All the animals turn to the Fatted Calf who is hastily throwing the doughnuts back in the tin and is running on the spot, doing push ups as fast as he can, and lifting weights.